I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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