ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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