Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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