I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
