Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
