good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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