It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
