we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
