i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
