I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You may now shotgun with the bride
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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