Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
