There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize
