Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
This is not my ceiling
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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