He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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