Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
