thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
