He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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