does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize