I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
