Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
