when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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