I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
