i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
