I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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