Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
