you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
there was a trapeze. enough said
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
