after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
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I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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