He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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