She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
