She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad