did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16