You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
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I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
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Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.