I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!