I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.