You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky