I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
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