I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
