Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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