Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
