my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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