Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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