sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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