i would punch a child for taco bell
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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