Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
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Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
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The struggles of a small town man whore
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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