I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
We need to rekindle our bromance
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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