Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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