One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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