guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
