I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
