my sisters under your porch take her home
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
