just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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