She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
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Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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