Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
