Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
