just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
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HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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