Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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