The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We just shotgunned beers for America
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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