I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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