Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
