Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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