you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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